i am swollen with surprises
unlike the room which is tiled and fluorescent.
there are fingers everywhere,
everywhere women in blue.
i am a large unremarkable centerpiece.
i sob and the doula asks why
like it’s ok you know.
i don’t know how i got here i say.
and a few of them say aww.
the iv is supposed to calm the nerves
but im shaking and the doctor commands me to stop.
everyone says shhhh as if im making noise.
im just making blood.
its just cells at this point.
its a casual thing
he said many times.