Let’s start out with a few rules. You’ll have your turn soon enough.
Don’t ask me my strong points and my weak points. I will lie.
Avoid that question about the times I showed initiative. The good ones are
balanced by the bad.
Don’t put me in imaginary situations, either. I’ll just go on about public
showers.
Ask me questions that matter, and I will answer truthfully, like this:
I love fat women with beautiful faces.
I find bureaucracy dehumanizing, but I don’t really mind.
I can’t remember the last time I noticed the sun set.
All of the clocks in my house are wrong.
I hate cars, and I drive them that way. We understand each other.
My diet occurs at an intersection of conspiracy theories.
The Chinese poet’s view of laziness approaches my own.
Computers make good melting.
My dreams of flight end in confusion.
The worst thing I’ve done did not result in death. Technically.
Yes, I wander naked through my house.
I’m very knowledgeable, but not in a useful sense.
I speak several languages, including cat.
I consider wine the final food group.
My favorite song would horrify you.
Okay. Begin.